I haven’t been following any TV series for the past years. I listen to my office mates talk about Game of Thrones -I’d google the characters afterwards. I listen to my relatives rant about The Walking Dead, while I imagine memes of the main character and his son. Here’s one of my favorites:

Image result for walking dead memes coral

My 8-year old son even follows Ang Probinsyano. He tells me what’s going on in the series, and I patiently listen to him. I think the last series I was really, really into with vigor was Gilmore Girls. There’s Dawson’s Creek and Seventh Heaven before that.

They don’t make those kinds of series anymore, so I’d rather curl up in my bed and read. Or do the laundry.

Then I came across this one episode of a series I have been avoiding. And I cried.

It’s usually the subject of my friends’ posts on Facebook, and I just want to shut it out. I just don’t like it at all. I don’t want to read about it, I don’t want to hear about it.

Then I chanced upon that one episode, and I realized that the reason why I’ve been avoiding it like plague is that it’s too heartbreaking. And it’s real.

Kerwin Espinosa had testified in the Senate hearing, and he had spilled the beans- the police officers and public officials who received drug payola  from him, how much they received, how much he earned in his illegal drug business, and other juicy details.

While I know that everything he said may not be true, I’m still inclined to believe that there is some truth to it.

It’s like the climax of a TV series where the bad guys are turning against each other in the hope of saving their own ass. It’s like a Pinoy teleserye where the villain finally has a change of heart.

Only that Kerwin is not just a character. He’s real. And his father just died a few weeks ago, joining the statistics of people who have died in the government’s war against illegal drugs.

I didn’t cry because of Kerwin or his father. I didn’t even cry for the so-called victims of extra-judicial killings.

I cried because I think that the police organization is in too deep in this drug business. The police, who are supposed to protect us, are at the heart of this. Who are we supposed to trust now?

I cried for the same reasons behind the tears of the PNP Chief, Bato dela Rosa. And I pray he and the Duterte administration can really clean the police organization. Nothing is impossible if we give this to God.

I can’t help but think though. If the officials refused the payola, if they only had the morals to refuse such dirty money and arrest anyone who offered them this, will Kerwin’s business – and that of other drug lords – survive?

Will the youth have easy access to shabu or marijuana or whatever?

But it’s too late to think about what could have been. I’m just thankful that Kerwin has lived to tell his story. The other drug lords -Yawa and Jaguar- have been silenced already. By who, we can only guess. After all, dead men tell no tales.



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