It was already dark outside – too dark for even the neighbor’s cats to be out. Huge trees had formed a canopy around the neighborhood, blocking the moonlight. But it’s never too dark for the bats. I can hear them, loud and clear.
I can also hear my husband and my kids breathing. Slow, regular breathing which is good. They were sleeping peacefully, unafraid of monsters under the bed. I looked at the clock, 2AM. I had been awaken at 12:44AM by monsters lurking in my head.
I had been anticipating sleep since then, but it had remained elusive like a helium balloon that goes up, up and up while a child tries to reach for it. I wanted to cry for the balloon . It seemed so far away. I wanted to just be able to touch it – and maybe, just maybe I’d have the strength to hold it until it engulfs me into blissful sleep.
There are just too many monsters in my head that won’t allow me to sleep. Some are cute, some are funny, while some are outright scary. Help! I scream silently into the night. Of course, no one heard me. Or so I thought.
I got up, wanting to do something else besides waiting for the elusive sleep. I went to pee. I looked at the figures of my sleeping family. Why can’t I sleep like them? I checked the time. 3:05AM. I had been awake for almost three hours and my eyes are screaming at me.
They fell on the Bible on the dresser, covered in shadows. Something told me to open it, so I did. Maybe someone really heard me when I silently screamed for help. Or maybe it’s just pure coincidence. I guess it depends on what level of faith you’re in. But when I opened the Bible and shone my torch light on it, it fell on Psalm 4.
There are times when you think you are only shouting at the void. Times when you feel like you’re only talking to yourself. But someone up there heard you. He is listening to you right now, like he was listening to me last night.
And He answered me, just as He will answer you.